Hey middle-agers. Feeling invisible? Unseen?

Did you notice the representation of your age cluster plummet when you turned 50, or even 40?

For example, cars, beverages, beauty products, clothes, tech; brands and ad agencies intentionally bypass middle-agers when marketing these products even though the economic contributions of Americans aged 50+ are so astronomical that if this group were counted as a country, it would be the world’s third largest economy according to an AARP study.

On the other hand, prescription meds with names that end in ‘pril’, ‘xine’, or ‘ic’? There’s no shortage of ads targeting midlifers to down those meds so they can dance at outdoor restaurants, sweat through low-impact exercises, and prune perennials.

Welcome to the “hey I’m here, but I don’t see me” club, and I don’t say that to be facetious.

As an Asian kid in the 70s and 80s peeps like me, and those in marginalized groups were virtually invisible in the culture writ large. Not just movies, tv, ads, and magazines, but also music, politics, sports, books, news, and education.

Welcome to the “hey I’m here, but I don’t see me” club, and I don’t say that to be facetious.

Ok ok, there was the soft spoken and dependable Mrs. Livingstone in The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, model Phoebe Cates who’s a quarter Chinese, and Connie Chung who was a national news anchor.

And on the rare occasion when we spotted an Asian in a commercial, my siblings and I would gather around the tv to learn ancient Chinese secrets.

Living with lack of representation is right up my alley.

Did it mess with my identity and sense of belonging? Sure, and it took years to unpack the all-encompassing insecurity I felt that was as sharp and painful as stepping on rows of Lego pieces.

But the experience also fueled an untethered freedom to sculpt a version of myself that had less influence from the media or role models than my non-Asian peers, except a serious connection I had with Cher because we had the same long pin straight black hair and hollowed out armpits in 1976. 😂

Anyhoo, I’m comfortable with midlife invisibility because the unattainable comparisons that shower and drench women since childhood were ALL unattainable for me, so after years of trying, I said screw it and moved on. 

Sure, and it took years to unpack the all-encompassing insecurity I felt that was as sharp and painful as stepping on rows of Lego pieces.

AANHPI representation has gotten better in the last few decades. I’ve witnessed milestones that I never thought would happen in my lifetime (hello Everything Everywhere All at Once). But it’s baby steps, just like the anti-ageism work at hand.  

Plentiful and truthful representation of all groups is key to normalizing differences, but the old adage – you need to see it to be it – does it apply to us middle-agers? We’re grown-ass adults with loads of experience and confidence. We know what we’re capable of, and we’re not okay blending into the background like a banal and flavorless beige wall.

Yes there’s a bias toward youth, and increasing our representation is like turning around a massive ocean liner, but whining and complaining about being unseen just makes you a whiner and complainer.

Do this instead:

• Get educated about ageism, learn to recognize it, and call it out when you see it. A good resource is the Old School Anti-Ageism Clearinghouse. When you understand ageism, you understand that you’re not the problem, stereotypes and discrimination are the problem.
• Drop the self-directed ageism-
  1. I can’t because I’m old…
  2. It hurts because I’m old…
  3. I’m too old for that…
  4. This is going to make me sound old…
  5. I just dated myself…
• Don’t blame your age unless it’s legit, and jeez will you stop apologizing for your age. Be aware that youngers, who will eventually be old, are modeling you. 
• Take up space and be seen. Don’t wait until circumstances are perfect. You’re not prepping for surgery, you’re living your life, and we don’t have time to wait. (I walk the walk on Instagram.)
• Give your money to brands that represent you. I know, I know there are so few of them, but they’re out there. I like the inclusive marketing done by Athleta, Jones Road Beauty, Target, Dove, and Drmtlgy.
• Raise a fuss. It works. When this Postmates ad was launched in New York city subway stations, the company retracted them after receiving complaints. 

Share your fav inclusive brands in the comments. ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ BTW, I’ll never use Postmates. 😠

For stats and more about the buying power of over 50s read my post about ageism in marketing and the media.