I was listening to an interview with Ali MacGraw, the star of the 1970 hit movie Love Story.

I loved her sass and luscious brunette locks in that movie. Even though I was just a kid when the film was released, I knew she was a Hollywood “IT girl” – an Oscar nominee, with high profile marriages to Steve McQueen and Robert Evans.

Years later, she talked about aging in front of the camera, and how it felt to be extremely low on the industry food chain.

She was working on a big tv series, and was about to shoot her scene when the costume person yelled out in front of the 85 person crew, “uh, hold the role please, can you get the turtleneck?!

“That’s called lines on your neck”, Ali said, and it’s why she had plastic surgery.

“That’s called lines on your neck”, Ali said, and it’s why she had plastic surgery.

Oh. em. gee.

Okay, okay… a bit of progress has been made in the right direction since that rude – call out the middle aged tv actor situation – if you consider the film Good Luck to You Leo Grande.

In it 63 year old Emma Thompson pursues sexual satisfaction and exposes her normal, aging body with all its wrinkled and downswing glory on screen.

The sublime Emma, who we’re used to seeing as Nanny McPhee or donning empire waist dresses in Sense and Sensibility, stars as Nancy, a retired teacher and widow who hires a sex worker to rock her world.

Even though Nancy planned well – she books an upscale hotel room, dives into the mini bar, and dons a new floral nightgown – she has trouble committing once her encounter begins with Leo the fantastically handsome, and affable young sex worker.

It’s like she’s driving with the brakes on, jolting forward and back oozing with shame about her body, insecurity about her looks, and embarrassment about her desires. First gear, second gear, reverse…she keeps changing her mind all the while being disappointed in herself.

…she keeps changing her mind all the while being disappointed in herself.

But she knows to survive, she must make a seismic shift in her lather, rinse, repeat world. It’s her “final attempt at a life.” Her proper and steadfast existence completely lacked adventure and freedom. It was as dull as an unsharpened pencil, void of good sex, and full of fake orgasms.

The engagement shakes her to her core, and enables her to bare all – both physically and emotionally – to luminous Leo who’s a conduit for her changing outlook in the bedroom, and on life.

Some midlife themes going on. 😂

Emma Thompson said in an interview with Glamour. “Nobody talks about women’s sexual pleasure because they’re not interested… Women and their bodies – periods, menopause – we’re not talking about any of this. Especially if you feel uncomfortable in your body and you don’t like your body, it’s quite difficult to then say, ‘Oh, you should be experiencing lots of sexual pleasure.’”

…it’s quite difficult to then say, ‘Oh, you should be experiencing lots of sexual pleasure.’”

Do you feel like you need to shuffle the deck, and get a new hand of cards when it comes to pleasure? Or are you holding a full house?

Is it time to get brave about your desires like Nancy? Or are you firing on all cylinders?

How do you feel about your middle aged body?

How do you feel about your middle aged body?

In an interview with The Washington Post, Emma Thompson said her intention for Nancy’s appearance was body neutrality.

“It’s a neutral gaze. It’s not approval – ‘Oh my god, I look great.’ And it’s not, ‘Oh my god, I look horrible.’ It’s “That’s my body. And I know that it can bring me joy.”

Revolutionary isn’t it? To view our bodies as neutral, functional, and purposeful. That we have desires, and deserve pleasure.

I’ve heard women recall the age when they no longer turned heads, as if that’s a bad thing. Why should our bodies be on display for anyone else’s gaze and approval? Your body is YOUR lifelong home to respect, appreciate, and honor.

Marketers and Hollywood rely on aspirational ideals which are highly inaccurate when it comes to average bodies, hence the lines on Ali MacGraw’s neck.

Medical anthropologist Nancy N. Chen said in her Ted Talk The Inaccurate Link Between Body Ideals and Health that the difference between actual average women, and ideal bodies continues to grow, and that body dysmorphia and eating disorders can be found around the world.

We’re fed systemic ideals that prioritize appearance over function and health. And when you’re in the thick of middle age, it’s challenging to dump self-hating thoughts like Nancy’s.

“I’ve always been ashamed of myself, my body I mean. I’ve always been aware of what’s wrong with it.”

Nancy N. Chen offers a new way to view ourselves and our health by enhancing body diversity to close the gap between what’s ideal and what’s real.

“No matter the preference for thick or thin, these universally imposed body ideals miss a key point, there are many different kinds of body shapes, weight and looks, yet the conflation of appearance with health often facilitates unhealthy shaming of oneself or others based on outdated ideals. The good news is that body diversity is being recognized as a critical component and reflection of social diversity, equity and inclusion.”

She further stresses that “If we are concerned about health and well-being then we need to go beyond body standards or ideals. We need to consider how healthy bodies are based on what’s going on inside, rather than focusing on externalities.”

How do we examine bodies in different ways?

A 63 year old fully naked female body on screen is a start. You GO Emma!!

And you can also listen to what Leo says:

“You’re letting go of the thing inside that grips you, you know that judges you. That watches you from the outside.”

“Your body’s beautiful. I wish you could see that…It’s not vain to enjoy your body, to love it. But I know that voice in your head, the one that talks shit at you. I have one too. It gets tiring…so boring.”

But I know that voice in your head, the one that talks shit at you. I have one too. It gets tiring…so boring.”

If that voice is in your head, and you can get rid of it, maybe you’ll have a chance to build up some concupiscence.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥