Paulina…

Supermodel.

Mom.

Writer.

Age Influencer.

In the 80’s and 90’s even non-fashion followers recognized Paulina Porizkova’s gorgeous face. Her catlike no-teeth smile peered from hundreds of magazine covers including The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, Vogue, Glamour, Cosmo, Mademoiselle (RIP) and more.

She was married to Ric Ocasek, the co-founder and lead singer of The Cars, for 30 years. They were separated and divorcing, but still living together when he died at their home while recovering from surgery in 2019. Paulina then found out that before his surgery, Ric cut her out of his will. 

Ironic because she put her own supermodel earnings into the family pot.

Why did Paulina defer total control of money to her husband? 

As a model, she started working and earning money at a very young age. By 16 Paulina made more in a month than both her parents made in a year. 

In her teens a business manager handled her finances, and when she got married, Paulina felt that discussing money or establishing a prenup was not loving or romantic. She let her husband control the family finances because he was older and knew better. 

Throughout the marriage, she took care of their family and her husband took care of the finances. Paulina assumed she would always be ok because she was always ok. 

On Instagram where she is candid about grief, regrets, aging, shame and hydra facials, she called herself “your perfect example of a cautionary tale”.

Paulina is not a typical example for this situation- after all she was married to a rock star and she made 6 million dollars a year as the face of Estee Lauder. But if it could happen to her, it could happen to a lot of women.

If you don’t have full visibility and input about your moolah, don’t wait…it’s time. 

Money talk can be awkward; it’s not just about what you have and what you spend. Money represents our family, values, upbringing, mistakes, ego, emotions, guilt, denial, and shame- of having a lot or not having enough. 

It’s a taboo subject. Americans are more comfortable talking about mental health, drug addiction, race, sex, politics, marital problems, and religion than money. 

While women typically manage daily expenses, they tend to leave investing and big money decisions to their spouses, according to the report Own Your Worth 2020, conducted by the financial services company UBS.

Half of the women surveyed deferred control of long-term financial planning to their spouses. Surprisingly, 54% of millennial women defer control versus 39% of boomer women.

The top reasons for the imbalance? 

Women believe they lack confidence, think their spouses know better, and they don’t know where to begin. 

And women are entrenched in typical gender roles; they have no interest in finances, they want to be taken care of, and don’t want to cause disagreements by second guessing their spouses. 

The survey is narrowish with participants having at least 6 figures in assets, but surveys show that women have more financial anxiety than men. 

It’s not a surprise given that women start at a disadvantage when it comes to money matters. 

Girls are encouraged to save, boys are told to invest. Women earn less than men, and lose years of earning power to raise children, and take care of parents. After divorce, women’s household income decreases 41% versus 23% for men. 

During the Covid pandemic, women took on a heavier load caring for children than their spouses, and they lost their jobs at a higher rate than men. 

Cray-zee fact; married women couldn’t get a credit card in their own name until 1974 (thanks RBG).

With gray divorces rising, and life expectancy for women 6-8 years longer than males on average, it’s likely you’ll be your sole money manager for years. 

You’ll be starting in the dark when you’re on your own if your spouse or partner “takes care of the money”.

I’m no finance expert so I’m not giving any planning advice, but there are basics everyone should know about their money sitch. 

1. What’s your net worth? The assets and investments you own? Insurance, retirement accounts and pensions? Your total debt?
2. Do you have access? If your partner became incapacitated today, would you be able to access your accounts? Do you have login passwords? Is the account info including beneficiaries current?
3. Do you have an estate plan set up?  How will your assets be passed down? Do you have a trust, will, financial power of attorney, and durable power of attorney for health care?  If so, when did you last review them? Are the instructions, executor and beneficiaries up to date? There are multiple factors to consider, and this sh*t can get complicated. Get pro help if needed.
4. Do you have the same financial goals?  Are you on the same page for your retirement and legacy plans?
5. Can you afford to put your loved ones first?  For example, do you borrow to help put your kids through college? Remember, your kids can borrow for school, but you cannot borrow to retire.
6. If you have a financial advisor, do you communicate with them? Are you comfortable and have good rapport with this person? Are you getting information that you need?
7. Have you prepared a Legacy Binder? AKA a Family Binder, Emergency Binder, or Just in Case I Die Binder (btw, you will). Essentially you put together a physical binder with info your heirs will need to settle your estate like accounts, contacts, and documents. It’s easy to search for ways to prepare a binder. Here’s a simple checklist you can follow.

Still doubting the need for financial transparency in your marriage? Watch this 4 part interview with Paulina and UBS Vice Chairwoman Paula Polito.

Talking about money can be prickly. How do you start the conversation if you haven’t been invited to the party? 

I’m not qualified to say, but “putting it off” is like tooth decay; a cavity can take years to form and when it suddenly appears, it hurts like hell. 

Don’t focus on what used to be, work on what should come your way. It’s best for your family and for your peace of mind.